Mike and Ikes
by leader of lights
Summary: Marth and Ike are just chillin' and eatin' their favorite candy, Mike and Ikes. It's been just another day of viscious battling, and this is their favorite way to sit back and relax. But this peace won't last for long... Hiatus.
1. Attack of the Candy Pilfering Ninja!

Ike tosses back his head and tosses up a single green Mike and Ike. He watches as the candy soars into the air--up, up, and then down. At once he's alert and focused, mouth wide open.

But the Mike and Ike ends up on the floor, not in his mouth. Fluffy, his little white kitty, dashes out from behind the sofa and gobbles it right up.

"NYAAAARGH! That's the seventeenth one!" he cries, slamming his fist on his overstuffed recliner's polka-dotted armrest.

From off to the side, a laugh is heard. Ike's head swivels around to allow him to glare at its source.

"You suck." Marth says with a grin, looking at his frustrated friend. He tosses a red Mike and Ike up toward the ceiling and attempts to catch it in the same fashion as the mercenary. Unlike him, he manages to succeed.

He smiles. "And that's how it's done."

"Chhhhh." Ike narrows his eyes at Marth, expression not showing a hint of jealousy. Nope, not at all. Nope. He's just missed seventeen, and Marth caught his first one. Why should he be jealous?

"Yo mama's how it's done," he retorts, preparing to toss up another green Mike and Ike--the green ones are his favorite, after all. Thinking better of proving himself as even more uncoordinated, he just shrugs and places it on his tongue. Yum.

All of a sudden, something breaks through the window behind them. Ike, however, had stopped paying attention quite a bit ago. Fluffy had ended up beside him, and immediately he was enchanted by her soft, snowy fur. "Kittykittykitty~" he now says in a cutesy voice, petting her gently. She purrs at his touch.

"Ike!!" cries Marth, stealing away his attention. "What do you--" _Bam_. All of a sudden, he's cut off and sent flying sideways. His face hurts like it's just been Falcon Paaauuunched.

"...Owwie,..." he moans, rubbing his cheek with his hand.

Wait. Why is that hand... _totally not holding a box of candy anymore_?

"Nooo! Stop! Gimme back our Mike and Ikes!" Ike gets to his feet and pursues his retreating attacker, whom is evidently a ninja. He pulls out Ragnell at the same time. He aims, he slashes... and the ninja's hood is slashed right off.

"Roy?!" Marth screeches, wearing a horrified expression. The prince is obviously in no hurry to chase after this ninja supposedly named 'Roy'. Continuing on, he asks, "Wh-What are you doing?! After all those nights we spent together?!"

Ike tilts his head. "Roy? Wait... WHAT?!" the mercenary yells in response to the last thing Marth said to the red-haired ninja dude. He completely forgets his pursuit of the man, and ends up letting him and the candy slip away.

Roy/ninja man slides up onto the windowsill. With one foot already outside, he turns, grins devilishly, and throws a smoke bomb into the room.

The smoke from the smoke ball fills the room, choking the two left inside. Ike ends up leaning against the wall, coughing his head off. Roy/ninja man is escaping, but there's nothing he can do about it until the smoke dissipates. It's definitely a good distraction, Ike'll give him that. But what gives a candy thief the right to be good at distractions?!

Eventually, he can breathe again. He dashes to the window and thrusts his head out, frantically searching for the candy pilferer.

Nothing.

"He friggin' stole our Mike and Ikes!" complains Ike, stating the obvious.

Once he also feels better, Marth joins Ike at the window. "He'll be long gone by now..." He turns to his friend and smiles brightly. "But at least it's not expensive candy, right? We can just buy more!"

Ike turns to Marth and shakes him violently. "Buy more?! BUY MORE?!" he shouts. "WHAT IF HE JUST COMES AND STEALS THAT, TOO?!" He lets go of Marth and starts gathering up his battle necessities. "We have to go after him. That box was almost full! And we have to teach him a lesson about stealing people's candy that he WON'T FORGET!"

Marth gives Ike a look that would typically come from a dying puppy in a box in a alley in the rain. "Ike, clam down for a second and think about this," the prince said seriously, putting a hand on Ike's shoulder. "You're going to waste all your energy. You need it for the real battles! Don't put so much energy into something as petty as stolen candy. I'll even buy you _two_ new boxes of Mike and Ikes, okay?" Marth talks calmly and smoothly, obviously trying to make Ike relax too. Further resembling a puppy (this time, a healthy one), he fetches his old smile. "So don't sweat the small stuff; just calm down, please?"

Ike stops. Slowly, he turns only his head toward Marth--and if looks could kill, Marth would die, be revived, end up kicked to New Pork City and then Falcon Paaaaauuuunched into Oblivion, somehow find out the last digit of Pi, and would then die again, only to be given his final resting place under a pile of DK's bananas.

"You just don't want to go after him because of 'all those nights you spent together', do you? He's more important than me and Mike and Ikes, isn't he?" the question is as sharp as the edge of his sword.

Marth just sort of stares at Ike, looking a bit confused, a little annoyed, and a whole lot frustrated.

"I was trying to _help_ you," Marth says, turning away from Ike and, by the effort in his voice, trying to sound calm and neutral but sounding totally ticked instead. "I was trying to help you because I care about you more than that guy AND Mike and Ikes. I don't want to see you get the crap beaten out of you because of something as pointless as revenge. You're my friend," Marth adds, turning back to Ike glaring at him, "I just want to help you...that's what friends are for."

Marth's reply should've made him feel better, right?

Wrong.

Soooo zetta wrong.

"So you think I'd just get my butt-kicked, do you?!" Ike retorts angrily. That's basically the only thing he heard out of all of what was said. "I see how much faith you have in me." He grabs his knapsack and saunters off to the door. "Fine, if that's how you feel, I'll just go and prove you wrong. With or without you." He stands in the doorway and sticks out his tongue at his so-called-'friend'.

"That's not what I meant!" Marth yells frustratedly. A few seconds of silence pass before the prince takes a deep breath and concedes. "Fine," he says, the word sounding very forced. "If it really means that much to you, than I'll go with, okay?" He gathers up his things.

Ike's expression softens instantaneously. Fixing Marth with watery puppy-dog eyes, he whimpers, "Y-you will?" He's either completely oblivious to Marth's 'not wanting to go'-ness, or just doesn't care. He wraps his arms around the other swordsman. "I knew you'd come through for me!~" It's amazing how just minutes ago Ike looked like he wanted to rip Marth's trachea out, and now he looks all teary and cute. This mercenary's just cool like that.

Marth starts trying to pull away. "Well... uh... I-I have to... you know... pack and stuff... s-so... you should probably let go of me now... please..."

Ike realizes the entirety of the situation and ends up with a red face. He releases Marth, turns away, and clears his throat.

"Ah-hem. Well. You do that," he encourages. With each minute passing, Roy/ninja man is getting further and further away. Anxiously, he rocks back and forth on his heels. It's about time to start a new adventure, and he can barely hold himself back from running off now.

But he can't exactly leave Marth behind, now can he?

_...Hurry up, Slow-face...._

**----------******

A novelized version of the ongoing Super Smash Brothers Brawl role-play between my friend and I. If the role-play itself weren't already decently far along, I wouldn't bother posting this because I'm such a procrastinator.

I have Ick, and she has Marthmallow. (This is being posted with her permission, of course.)

Done from Ick's POV because, well... it'd be odd if it were done from both.

Not really meant to be serious, like, at all. If you couldn't tell by the summary. It will contain a fair amount of Ick/Marthmallow, along with a few other random pairings. We've already decided on a bunch of nonsensical crossovers for little sections as well, so beware. I don't see how I can put this in over 9000 different crossover sections, though... and none take up a big portion of the story as of yet.****

Read, review, and stick around. ;D


	2. Attack of Kirby Mountain!

Awkwardly getting back to work, Marth packs only what he thinks is really needed for catching Roy. He knows him well enough that he thinks he can figure him out pretty well, but who knows--people change. Roy sure has, if he's a thief now. Marth begins to wonder if he really knows Roy anymore at all.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Marth says, covering his true feelings with a smile.

"All righty then! Let's gooooo!" Ike cries triumphantly, still not looking at the prince. He marches right out the door, sword out and ready for any chance encounters.

But once he's out the door, he stops. "...Wait. Where are we going, exactly?" Marth hears his companion say as he follows him outside. He sighs and face-palms. What is he getting himself into?

"We're looking for Roy, remember?" Marth reminds Ike, poking him in the back. "We should probably start by--sorry." Marth says, stopping himself. "This is your idea, you should get to figure it out." He smiles inside. Maybe now Ike would choose to stay home. But then again, the mercenary is far from the quitting type. There's no stopping him now....

Again, Ike busts out the death look and fixes it on his companion. All without turning around, even. The effect is a bit like a possessed owl.

"You're the one that knows him so well, Maarthy," he breathes. "You should know where we could find your little _lover_. Where might he beeee?"

Marth cringes and wonders if Ike has to break his neck to do that. This isn't even possible, is it? Maybe Ike isn't even human. "He is NOT my lover!" Marth snaps in a manner typical of a sixteen-year-old girl. Ike is really starting to get on his nerves. If only he hadn't let that slip....

Moments pass. "...I have no clue where he'd be." Marth adds eventually, speaking more quietly and folding his arms in front of his chest. "But if he's anything like he used to be, he's probably at his grandma's cabin in the mountains." He nods toward the big green mountains just to the north. It isn't far, so if all goes smoothly... such a trip shouldn't take long.

Ike, our lovable bipolar rollercoaster to Oblivion, grins broadly at Marth and places his hand on his companion's shoulder. "Brilliant!" he announces. "I knew you'd come in handy.~" He turns toward the path he's chosen to take and takes a deep breath. "For great justice!" The mercenary cries, totally ripping off the catchphrase of... something or other. He doesn't really care. "For MIKE AND IKES!" He forcefully links arms with Marth and skips off and away.

And alas Ike is skipping. This is off to an interesting start. "Um, Ike?" Marth asks as he's pretty much dragged behind his stronger companion. "Do we really have to skip? You're pulling my arm off." Surely it can't hurt to ask something as simple as that, right? Although with how Ike is acting, the prince is afraid that Ike will turn around, yell about those nights Marth and Roy spent together and break Marth's arms off.

Ike suddenly slows down. The pace has been reduced from something near a gallop to a stroll. The dirt road secretly cheers for them--after all that dust they'd kicked up thus far....

"Of course, Marthy!" Ike proclaims with a grin, still not letting go of his arm. Marth's fears were evidently (mostly) unfounded.

"Thank you." Marth says politely. _But you're still killing my arm...._

Now, instead of Ike looking like he's dragging Marth off to the woods to murder him, it looks like they're two young lovers taking a stroll in the park. Awkward. But hey, the scenery's pretty. There're birds, clouds, sunshine and all sorts of lovely things. It's splendid to be able to get away to somewhere more quiet and peaceful, but he knows this adventure will be anything but peaceful if they're going after Roy.

Something interrupts Marth's thoughts. The shadow on the path ahead from a cloud grows bigger and bigger. Marth turns around and stops walking, ignoring the fact that Ike will probably keep walking and take Marth's arm with him. His poor arms. On closer inspection, the thing casting a huge shadow isn't a cloud after all. Descending from the sky is a massive group of....

"Kirbys?!" exclaims the prince.

Ike had still been strolling along in place, not a worry in his head. But when Marth cries out about the Kirbys, the mercenary releases his companion and raises his sword at the descending cloud.

The whole sky's going dark--the sun is eclipsed.

"ASDF;GHJSLA!!!!" screeches Ike as they start bouncing on the ground around the two swordsmen. "RUN!" He sprints off and away, aiming straight for a conveniently placed cliff nearby, striking down Kirby after Kirby as he goes.

Marth follows Ike, not knowing what he has planned, or if he has anything planned at all. It has to be better than all the Kirbys, though. Marth takes out Falchion and swings at random Kirbys along the way, trying to keep them from jumping on the two. There're just too many. They just keep attacking and attacking and.... He keeps running but his cape doesn't follow. A Kirby had grabbed onto it, and that causes him to fall backwards, which hurts quite a bit, since he's just strangled and pushed to the ground by about a jillion Kirbys. His sword is still in his hand, but that does him no good. It's useless, pinned down by the growing pink blob. He can't even move.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" he screams, being pulled under the ocean of pink. Marth watches helplessly as Ike just continues running, not even bothering to notice the poor prince being devoured by a swarm of Kirbys. "IKE! HELLLLLP!" he yells one last time before his view of his companion is completely blotted out.

Somewhere, Ike is howling, "MARTH! I'M COMING FOR YOU! HOLD ON!" Marth can hear Ike, but he can't see him. There're too many Kirbys everywhere, and he's pretty sure one is chewing on his shoe. All that's sticking out anymore is his hand. Marth is sure that he's doomed. Either a) a Kirby will bite his hand off, b) he'll get totally buried and Ike will never find him, or c) Ike won't be able to see him under the Kirby Mountain and would end up killing him along with them. How unpleasant. Marth tries yelling to Ike, but all the squishy pink blobs piled on top of him make it hard to even talk.

"MAAAAARTH!" Ike's voice is laced with panic.

Suddenly...it happens. Oh God. A Kirby tries to eat Marth's hand--the one outside, without his sword. He feels it take his hand and just screams bloody murder, which sounds more like a dying cat because of all the Kirbys doing their best to immobilize his mouth and vocal cords.

And then he realizes it isn't a Kirby. And It isn't eating his hand. It's... another hand....

It's Ike.

Marth grabs onto Ike's hand tightly and tries as hard as he can to move, but fails. He's able to wiggle his elbow a bit, and manages to poke a Kirby in the eye with it, but that's about it. _Ike, please save me! _he urges his friend.

Another hand grips Marth's arm, and somehow that extra help manages to free the prince. Beyond the pink, finally Ike is revealed. Free at last! The mercenary's triumphant eyes shine with the light of a thousand suns. Marth slips right into his arms, bride-style. Then, Ike books it. Due to needing both arms to hold Marth, he no longer has a sword to fend off the Kirby rain, after all.

Marth clings to Ike as tightly as he can after putting his own sword away. He feels much safer now then he had before. The Kirbys are still attacking, but Ike manages to dodge them all, even with Marth in his arms. Finally, they reach the end of the pink tunnel. Hopefully the Kirbys would stop then and--

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHRGGGGGG!" cries Ike as they break free.

The end of the tunnel was the cliff.

And they just jumped off it.

_Crap,_ thinks Marth dismally. If it's not one thing trying to kill them, it's another.

Marth screams like a little girl and stuffs his face into Ike's shoulder. This is it. This is really how he's going to die. Of all the things in the world that he'd fought through and survived, a freaking cliff is going to end up being what got poor Prince Marth of Altea in the end. It sounds like a sad, unfunny joke.

But sadly, one with a ring of truth to it.

**----------**

**Oho. End of chapter two. But definitely not the end of the crazy adventures of Ick and Marthmallow.**

**Randomly switched to Marthmallow's POV for this one. Just because we shared important things, and we each have a different way of explaining them... I thought we should switch character POVs every other chapter. Any objections?**

**Spellchecking and grammar checking took for-freaking-ever. I will kick my monitor in the face if I missed something. Seriously.**

**Once again, read, review, and stick around for the rest of their misadventures!**


	3. Attack of the Freaky Demon Squirrel!

Some time passes before Ike's eyelids move just enough to allow him to see. Not like that really helps much; everything's far too blurry for him to identify anything. It briefly reminds him of that one time that Meta Knight found those strange mushrooms after one of their training battles. There're a lot of gray swirls, some green, some light blue... and then dark blue. Marth.

"You're all right,..." Ike murmurs with a small smile, tilting his head toward his friend. "And you look so... comfortable...." Much more comfortable than this hard ground. He aches everywhere, but Marth looks much better off--probably because he did his best to cushion the prince's fall.

They're beaten up, but at least they're alive. Not many people can survive a swarm of Kirbys and falling off a cliff in one day. But then, that never happens to most people.

Marth starts, as if not expecting Ike to randomly start talking, and then just looks concerned. "Are you feeling okay? I thought you were dead at first. I'm so glad you're alright!" He smiles warmly down at his companion. "And... thanks for saving me,..." Marth adds after a short pause, letting his eyes drift away from Ike and back to their surroundings.

Ike says nothing. Instead, his smile fades and his expression takes on a calculating look. Marth completely ignored his most important statement. How _could_ he? Deciding it doesn't matter anyway, he just pulls himself closer to Marth and lays his head on his lap. "...You _are_ comfy...." He observes mildly, then closes his eyes and relaxes.

"...Ike? Can I ask what exactly you're doing?" Marth asks cautiously, shifting uncomfortably.

Ike doesn't even move an inch, despite his friend's discomfort. He's too exhausted to bother caring about Marth's feelings at the moment, especially when the prince's lap is so freaking comfy.... It's even better than the pillows on his own bed. It could just be because he's even more tired than usual, buuuuut....

"...Using you as a pillow," says Ike. "You're comfy."

"Should I take that as a good thing?" The confused prince sighs.

A few moments later, Ike decides that he's not satisfied with this current arrangement. Although no one could possibly understand why. He groans unhappily and sits up a bit more. He rotates just a little until he's facing Marth. Then, he tackles him to the ground. "...Yes, this is a lot better,..." says Ike, leaning his head on Marth's shoulder and closing his eyelids again. His arms are wrapped around his companion, keeping him close. And pinned.

This time around, Marth barely moves enough to breathe. "Ike..." Marth begins hesitantly, "This is kind of awkward."

Ike stiffens. His smile disappears. Slowly, his arms slide out from around Marth and return to his sides. "I see how it is," he retorts bitterly, then pulls himself several feet away from the red-faced Marth and onto a decent-looking patch of grass. Lying on his side, facing away from his companion, he shuts his eyes once more.

"Ike...." Marth doesn't finish his sentence this time. Well, not right away. Eventually, he says, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said."

As spontaneously as usual, Ike returns to being the lovable bipolar rollercoaster to Oblivion and jumps back up. He dashes over to Marth and lifts him right to his feet. At once, he starts dragging the other swordsman along with him once again. "It's all right, Marthy! Let's goooooooo!"

And as frustratingly as usual, Marth fights against his helpfulness. "Ike, you're hurting me."

Marth just can't seem to stop complaining. What's his _problem_? No matter what Ike does, he can't make the prince happy. And he's tired of it. He drops Marth abruptly and presses on ahead, movements agitated and mechanical. It's better to worry about only himself than to deal with Marth's constant unhappiness.

The surroundings are getting more and more broken up, he notices; a hill there, a crevasse there, a patch of grass there. Few flowers are brave enough to try and survive in such an uncertain area. The Green Mountains are just ahead, at last! Footsteps can be heard behind him, but sure that it's either Marth or a fallen Kirby (most likely Marth) he just quickens his pace and says nothing. He'll only leave Marth in a dark pit of dissatisfaction _again_. "Blah, blahbitty blah blahhhh," also follows, but he's not willing to sort it out.

And here are the woods beginning the Green Mountains. From what he can tell, this dense forest climbs all the way to the top--but thins out little by little. Somewhere in here has to be Roy's granny's house, and there lies the Mike and Ikes. Just past the first few trees, a cute little squirrel blocks their path. It's a bit hesitant, but after a moment the squirrel comes up to Ike, stands on it's back feet and stares up at him. Ike gasps and leans down to pet it. "You're soooo cuuuuuute~" That thing following Ike also bends down to look at the squirrel, but he pays no mind to that royal pain.

Ike is delighted by the courage of the squirrel. He swoops it up into his arms, does a little spin, and then drops the squirrel on his shoulder to ride along. It's so cute--they're going to be beeeest travelling buddies! Squirrelly is so much better than that unhappy ole Marthy, definitely.

"Onward we go, Squirrelly!" Ike cries triumphantly, setting off again, lighting up the path ahead with his oversized smile. He's in a brilliant mood; he hasn't had to hear even one complaint from his former best bud, and his new BFF is happily riding along on his shoulder. The forest is dark and thick, but he's fine while he has Squirrelly on his shoulder. And while he doesn't trip over anything.

_No houses yet_, thinks Ike with a momentary frown. Somewhere in here is their destination. Are they even going to be able to find it? Or will they just be searching for all eternity?

Squirrelly starts nomming on a stray lock of his hair. Finding it nothing but cute, Ike just giggles and continues on, a skip in his step. Then, the squirrel's mouth grows much larger, until it fits completely over his head. Feeling the tiny, sharp teeth digging into his temples, he shrieks and starts running around in circles.

"My best friend's trying to eat meeeeee! HEEEEALLLLLLPPPPPP!"

The circle running doesn't seem to be helping, but it's the only thing Ike can think of to do. Otherwise, there's smacking his head against a tree (painful), or asking Marth for help (....). So he just runs and runs and runs, screaming becoming higher and higher pitched by the second. He hears a command ("Stop running around!") and a promise ("Hang on, I'll get it off!") but is too focused on trying to escape all the rabies spreading into his brain like venom.

The next thing he knows, the sharp teeth are gone and tiny trickles of blood are taking their place. Ike collapses on the ground, twitching from relief. Up above stands Marth, wrestling with Squirrelly. The prince gains the upper hand and squeezes the duo's assailant until its eyes start to pop out.

"What should I do with it!?" demands Marth. Ike just stares.

"KILL IT! DEFRAG IT! BEAT IT WITH A STICK I DON'T CAREEEEE!" shouts Ike. Squirrelly betrayed him, after all! Some best friend it turned out to be.

Without a word, Marth throws Squirrelly as hard as he can into the woods. Ike becomes Marth's own personal cheerleader as he chucks Squirrelly into the abyss. All that can be heard afterward is a soft _thunk!_ as Squirrelly crashes into who knows what.

"YAY MARTH!" Ike squeals, thrusting his fist into the air. All is forgiven, now that the prince saved him from his former BFF demon squirrel. "GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAL~"

Marth turns back to Ike and kneels down next to him. "Are you okay?" he asks, leaning closer to look at the itty-bitty teeth marks in Ike's head.

Ike starts to get up and cry, "OF COURSE!" but thinks better of it before the first step is initiated. Instead, he gives his companion puppy-dog eyes and murmurs, "Kiss it and make it feel better, Marthy?"

Marth blushes and stares blankly at Ike. "I guess if you want me to,..." he murmurs, wiping the blood off the side of Ike's head. Then, he hesitates before giving Ike a quick peck on the side of the head.

"Th-There..." Marth says, eyes on the dirt path below them. "Feel better now?"

Ike grins broadly at Marth and touches the side of his head. Pulling his hand away, he replies cheerfully, "See? All better. Thankies, Marthy~" Of course he has to add the sing-songy note at the end; that's just a given. Rising to his feet, he turns toward the rising path. Back to the goal of this journey--somewhere in this forest is the Mike and Ikes Pilferer, and Ike will find him. There's no doubt in his mind.

"Onward, to Roy's granny's cabin!" And he's off once more.

**----------**

**Delayed third chapter is delayed due to... circumstances. :| Very angering ones. But here it is now!**

**Randomly chock-full of Marthmallow/Ick. We're such fangirls sometimes.**

**What. WHAT. I spell/grammar checked this forever... AND NONE OF THE CHANGES WENT THROUGH. GAHHH. I don't think chapter three is meant to be.... OTL**

**Read, review, and check out the continuing adventures of Marthmallow and Ick!**


	4. Attack of the Tango Maureen!

"Onward, to Roy's granny's cabin!"

They're safe for the moment, and they're both in a good mood. Now they can really enjoy their little trip. "Yeah!" Marth replies cheerfully.

Through the woods they go, not coming upon any houses, but at least not any demon squirrels either. Every tree passed looks the same, but Marth isn't really worrying about getting lost right now. He highly doubts that Ike is, either. They'll get back... somehow. They'll find a way.

Marth looks around the forest. Trees, trees, trees, bushes, trees, trees, bird, trees, house, tr-- wait. "Hey Ike!" he says, nudging his friend. "Do you think that's it?" Marth points through a few trees to a little wooden house wrapped in ivy. Not much of it can be seen from this distance. It may be blending into the wildlife, but it is definitely not part of it.

Ike's mouth drops open, but he swiftly raises his hand and pushes his jaw back into place. "ABSOLUTELY!" cries Ike. "You're a genius, Marthy!" Without even bothering to try for stealth, he just bolts toward the house, dodging trees and jumping over bushes. It's not long before he's right in front of the front door.

And he bursts right in.

Marth catches up to Ike just in time to hear him say, "...GONNAGETCHUYESWEARE!" Every word meshes into one another in the mercenary's excitement. But the only thing in front of him is a cute little old granny. Aaaaand her dusty, pink, crocheted living room that smells of powdery perfume and something less identifiable.

He'd seen a photo of her once, so Marth was positive this was her--this was Roy's granny.

"Roy?" questions the granny, rocking back and forth, back and forth in her creaky rocking chair. "My grandbaby left around a half hour ago, I'm afraid."

Ike runs up to her and places his hands on her shoulders, roughly. "Where'd he go?! WHERE?!"

The granny looks off to her upper left, a calculating look on her face. "I don't rightly remember, m'dear. Give ole' Granny Maureen a little time to think, wouldja?"

Apparently they'd only missed Roy by a half hour. If that Kirby attack hadn't have happened, they probably would have made it. How frustrating.

"Yes, Ike. Give Granny Maureen some time to think." Marth says calmly, pulling Ike's hands off her shoulders.

Maureen tilts her head to the side and stares at Marth. "Say, are you that boy?" she asks.

_Did Roy tell her about me?! _"Um... I don't know..." Marth responds awkwardly, "Could you please tell us where Ro--"

"Roy's friend! With the blue hair! His names...March...or was it April? He's a prince or somethin'! Or is that you?" Maureen then looked at Ike, apparently forgetting that Marth just called him by his name.

I don't think that's either of us." says Marth quickly. "Do you remember where Roy is now?"

"Well Gosh, I don't young man." Maureen denies, still looking at Ike. "But your friend there, Prince March, sure looks all tuckered out!" Maureen gets to her feet and shuffles toward the wall.

_Does she think Ike is me?_ Marth glances over at Ike, who looks completely heartbroken in another of Maureen's chairs. After being pulled away from Maureen, he visibly just... broke.

"Hey boy, would you be a dear and help old Maureen out?" the old woman asks, pulling Marth's attention away from Ike.

_Holy moley,_ he marvels. Under her wallpaper, Maureen had revealed an entire wall covered in shelves of Alcoholic drinks--all colors of the rainbow, from all over the world. It was pretty amazing. And it was shiny.

"Now, does Mark there like vodka?" She asks, making up a new name for Ike and shuffling over to them with a bottle and a small glass at the same time. She's pretty good at multitasking, Marth observes.

"Uhh, we're not--" Marth begins, but is cut off by a giggle from Maureen.

She fills the glass. "Who doesn't, right?" With a sly smile, she shoves the glass into Ike's face.

The crestfallen Ike lifts his head only when a glass is shoved in his face. He stares at it and blinks, then waves Maureen away with a dejected sigh.

Granny Maureen does not accept this. Shaking her head, she reassures him, "Now Mark my dear, a little vodka makes everything better!" He still denies the glass, so she decides to take control. She forces his head back and pours it down his throat. He flails and coughs, but she doesn't pull away until half of the glass is emptied.

"...That... was... AWESOME!" Ike yells, grabbing the glass and downing the rest of it. "More please, Granny Maureen!"

"Just call me Maureen, Prince March." She winks at the eager Ike and pours him another glass.

Marth isn't sure what to do. Ike is random enough when he's sober. If he gets drunk... things might get pretty crazy. And if Maureen gets drunk too, Marth doesn't want to have to babysit them.

"Umm... Granny Maur--"

With a smile, Maureen says, "Oh! You want some too?! Here!" she shoves what was going to be Ike's glass towards Marth instead, and the original recipient glares at him. Marth backs away.

"No thank you," Marth refuses politely. "I was just about to say--"

"Really, no need to be so polite! I'll just pour Prince Mark here a new glass!" she reassures him. Pouncing on Marth, she forces him to drink the vodka as well. "Trust me, kiddo. You'll love it!"

_...It actually isn't that bad,_ Marth has to admit as Maureen released him. Well, it's probably better when it isn't being shoved on him.

"See?" she says with a smile. "It's great, isn't it?" With that, she turns to Ike and pours a new glass for him.

"Umm... I'd like one too,..." Marth requests, against his better judgment.

"I can see why Roy comes here all the time~" announces Ike, working on his third glass just as Marth receives his first.

Maureen laughs. "Silly boy, I don't give my grandchild liquor. That's just irresponsible. I give it to the handsome travelers." Nostalgia fills her expression as she closes her eyes and leans her head back. With a small sigh, she adds, "Ahh, when 'ole Maureen was in her prime...." A decisive expression takes over her wrinkled face, and she sweeps Ike up into her arms and into an uncertain tango.

_"Feel like going insane? _

_Got a fire in your brain? _

_And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?~"_ sings Maureen as she dips Ike. Of course she's taken the lead; her partner's getting kinda tipsy.

_"Honey, I know this act _

_It's called the 'Tango Maureen' _

_The Tango Maureen _

_It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round _

_As she keeps you dangling _

_Your heart she is mangling~" _

_"And you toss and you turn _

_'Cause her cold eyes can burn _

_Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound~"_ The tango's neverending.

_"When you're dancing her dance _

_You don't stand a chance _

_Her grip on romance _

_Makes you fall~" _

_"So you think, 'Might as well' _

_'Dance a tango to hell' _

_'At least I'll have tangoed at all'~" _

Marth has had five drinks, and his grip on reality is slipping. He doesn't handle alcohol well. Since Maureen began dancing, he'd just started pouring drink after drink for himself and...he's pretty drunk. Leaning against the wall for support, Marth watches Maureen and Ike dancing and feels a bit of jealousy. And he felt dizzy. Where're all those sparkles coming from? And why is the floor wiggling around?

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy..." He gives Maureen a grumpy look. "I wanna dance with Ike...." he complains, drawing each word out slowly; he has to really concentrate on what he's saying.

Ike breaks away from the memory-taken Maureen and grabs the bottle of Vodka. After downing about three-fourths of the bottle, he gratefully grips Marth's shoulder. "C'mooooon thennn, Maaarthy!" he says, slurring his words just a tad. He pulls Marth away from the wall, feet forming... form some sort of dance steps.

Marth feels like he's going to fall over, but falls into Ike instead. Clinging to the other 'handsome traveler', Marth moves his feet around Maureen's living room, stepping on carpet, wood flooring, and Ike's feet. Even though there isn't really any music, some sort of polka song about Roy and polar bears is running through Marth's head. Everything feels swirly around him, and the only thing he's sure of is that he has his arms around Ike and they're somewhere indoors.

Marth stares at Ike and smiles, leaning his face closer to his dance partner's. "You have preeeeetty eyes, Iiiiike...." he says, letting the words flow together and giggling. He's not exactly paying too much attention to the old woman, but Marth still notices when she reenters the room, a very fragrant bag of popcorn in her hand. She takes a seat in her creaky rocking chair and chows down, gaze fixated on the two on the dance floor.

Ike shies away, a frown on his face. "Youuuu sure you don't meeeean that abouut... your loverrrr Roy...? I know you liike heeeeem more than meeeee.... That's why you didn't waaaant tooo chase him wiiiithhhh meeee...."

".....Whaaaa?" Marth is totally out of it. Something about Roy? Who?

Marth wanders over to Ike, throwing his arms around his neck and hugging him awkwardly. "Why would I chase your loverrrrr...?" he asks, looking up at Ike with a pouty expression. "You're just soooo cute!" he compliments with a charming smile on his face. He's beyond making sense anymore. There're weird sparkly things flying around, and the floor resembles the ocean. Everything is totally weird, and he can't figure out what Ike was talking about.

"I like youuu more than..." Marth ponders for a moment, looking confused, before shouting, "EVERYTHING!" He laughs, hugging Ike even tighter.

Frustratedly, Ike pushes him away and stumbles over to the couch. Thankfully, he makes it there without running into/tripping over anything and just sits down, facing away from Marth.

"Yerr just sayyyin' that... 'cause you'reee drunk, Marthyyyyy," Ike retorts.

Drunk?! Marth's not drunk. No way! Or so he thinks.

"I am NOT drunk, Ike!" Marth yells, almost falling over from lack of something to lean on. Just staying on his feet requires a lot of concentration. "You're jusss' jeeeealous, cause you're in love with me!" Marth continues to yell, still not making sense. He can't figure out where Ike went, but there is a creepy purple Link in the corner staring at him, and it's freaking him out.

"You're jussss...." he forgets what he's saying almost immediately. "Youuuu and Link are jusss two peas in a jar, aren't cha!?!" Marth is starting to sound more and more upset, and is also getting closer and closer to falling over.

Ike jumps up, sways dangerously, and then returns to Marth's side. "I've neeeever been wittthhh Link... the way you've... been withhh Rooooy! I onnnnnnly havvveee eyes forrrr you, Stoooopid!" he replies, eyebrows knitted clumsily.

Marth clung to Ike once again, smiling and giggling for no reason. "You're juss the cutest thiiiing!" he says, suddenly happy again. He looks up at Ike, who's a bit blurry.

"You have eyes with meeeee? That's just sooooo sillllly." Marth remarks, sounding like an airhead. "Youu say the cutest stufffff." He then rests his head on Ike's shoulder and closes his eyes, trying to pretend the creepy Link isn't there. He mumbles something softly, looks back at Ike, and then starts to cry. For no reason.

"I dun wanna be with Royyyyyyy!!" He wails, with no dignity at all whatsoever. Imagine what his dad would say. "I wanna be with yooooou, Ike!!" Marth buries his head into Ike's shoulder again and mumbles more unintelligible things, hugging Ike more tightly then before, but not so much that he was totally crushing him (like he did with Squirrelly).

I'm NUUUT CUUUTE!" yells Ike, peeling Marth off him. Briskly but carefully, he shoves Marth over to the faded pink couch, pins him against the back cushions, and forces him into a kiss.

**---------**

**Er. Yes. Long wait again. I've been too addicted to Star Ocean to do much else. But this doesn't seem to have too many fans anyway. xD;**

**Tango Maureen lyrics are from the musical RENT. I lay no claim to them. **

**Too tired to put full effort into checking this... but.... it looks decent enough!**

**Read, review, and stick around for more of the misadventures of Marthmallow and Ikeatharus!**


	5. Attack of the Hangovers!

And Marth just gives right in, without a bit of a fight. He wraps his arms around Ike's neck for the millionth time, and kisses him back. Ike doesn't even have time to be pleased by this result; once the effort is returned, everything else disappears. The couch, Maureen, the headache coming on... there's only Marth, and the taste of Vodka.

He just can't escape that taste, no matter what he does.

Some old lady's living room sofa certainly isn't the most romantic place in the world, but... it works. Marth weaves his fingers into Ike's hair, taking more and more control of the situation. It's not how Ike had planned, but then again, he hadn't planned this. It just kinda... happened. With the help of a _lot_ of vodka.

Maureen's squeal breaks his concentration on the prince and only the prince. She drops her bag of popcorn and wanders over to the two, wielding a shiny red fire extinguisher that she pulled from nowhere in particular. "Now now boys," Maureen says, wagging her finger at the two, "No getting too excited in Maureen's house without Maureen being involved." With one deft movement, she smashes Ike over the head with it and everything goes black.

- - - - -

The following morning, all he can feel is someone jackhammering his head.

"IT HUUUUUUUUUUUUURTS!" screeches a now sober and very hungover Ike. He slips from Marth's arms and collapses on the floor, curling up into the fetal position as he cradles his head in his hands. None of it helps; now the rest of his body hurts. Whimpering, he silently begs the Mike and Ikes to come save him.

They are his God, after all.

Out of nowhere, he stops. "Gonna be sick!...." To his feet he jumps, and immediately he falls back over and smashes his head against the nearest wall. The whole house shakes--or, at least it seems like it does to this blue-haired mercenary.

"ASDF;GHAJSLD;AJSKL!!!11!ONE" Now crying his little heart out, he gets back up and dashes out of the room. He has to find a bathroom or a trash can, NOW!

"Bathroom's just around the corner, dear," says Maureen when he stumbles into the kitchen. He gladly follows her directions.

Ike returns to the front room momentarily, leaning on Maureen for support. He'd just downed a ton of pills; possibly too many, but he didn't care to check what his caretaker gave him. She said it'd make him feel better, so he gladly swallowed each one.

Now he's still in pain and still crying, but Maureen's gentle touch is so soothing. She sits him down on her rocking chair and announces, "I'm going to start breakfast!" before dashing back off to the kitchen.

"Maaaaarthhhhyyy...." Ike whines mid-sob. "I hurt sooo muuuuch...." He's not slurring; rather, drawing out the words on purpose. He curls in closer to the cushions on the chair. "I never want to drink agaaaaaiiiin...."

"...neither..." Marth said softly, finally awake and sitting up on the couch. "It hurts... much, it's... worth it." then he sits quietly for a moment before asking, "What exactly... last night...?"

Distracted by his own pain, Ike barely catches on to anything Marth says in that hangoverishly soft voice. All he hears are snippets, barely worth repeating. So the mercenary just goes on sobbing and trying to calm down, then sobbing once more. It seems like the best method to escape his pain.

"I had the strangest dream, Marthy...." he says randomly, hoping for a better distraction from his companion. The whole thing felt like a very vivid dream, the kind you get when you eat pop rocks before bed. The crazy kind.

"So did I..." Marth says a bit louder with surprise in his voice. He slowly rolls over so he's facing toward Ike. "What happened in yours?"

Ike stays silent for a few moments. Well, silent besides the sniffing from trying to calm himself. He wipes his face of the unwanted tears and then finally speaks. "...Squirrelly came back. He ate Roy, which was good, but then he ate you, and started to come for me when I woke up...." Total lies. He recalls what really happened in that dream, but... for some reason doesn't want to explain them.

"How do you want your eggs, Prince Martha and... friend?" calls Maureen from the kitchen.

"...Over medium, with bacon!" cries Ike with enthusiasm as he suddenly sits up, "LOTS OF BACON!~"

"...I'll have the same." Marth answers, then returns to the matter of the strange dreams. "I had a dream that Maureen had a bunch of vodka under the wallpaper and we got drunk and acted crazy." He stares at the carpet and twirls his hair around his finger.

Bacon excites Ike.

"Oh, really?" says the mercenary, tilting his head. He uses his little remaining strength to grin cookily at Marth, adding, "How crazy." Then, his excitement fades and he folds himself back into Maureen's chair. He tries rocking, but when motion sickness settles in, he stops.

"It's done, boys!" Maureen announces from the kitchen. "Come and get it!"

Ike jumps to his feet. "BACON!" He dashes out of the room, effectively outrunning his headache. A sweet homemade breakfast for three waits on the table, just like granny used to make--and Roy's granny just made. Ike grabs a seat and starts chowing down.

Maureen whacks her first guest with a plastic spatula. "You have to wait for your friend to get here, Marge! Be thoughtful!"

Fixing the abusive Maureen with teary eyes, he objects, "B-But... bacon!"

Ike is busy staring longingly at he untouchable plate when he hears a thud from back in the living room. Immediately his fatty-fried-pig-induced trance is broken, and he heads back off into the front room.

"Marthy? You okay?" he asks, hopping right over to the slowly-moving prince. He looks even worse off than before.

Maureen follows. "Oh, Mary and Friend! I remember where Roy said he was going now! Agrabah's just over the mountain, Dearies, and he said he wanted to visit a friend down there."

Ike blinks. Moments of silence and non-breathing pass until he finally shows signs of life again. And those signs are violent.

"OHMIGAWDREALLY?!" he cries, grabbing onto Marth and dashing out of Maureen's house lickity-split. "THANKS FOR THE TANGO, MAUREEN!" he cries as he does so. Avenging his Mike and Ikes definitely beats bacon.

Marth weakly clings to Ike as if afraid of being dropped. "Where are we goingggggg?" he asks him.

Agrabah!" Ike tells Marth excitedly. "Before she destroys your name further." Once over the mountain, they'll finally find that little red-headed devil that pilfered their precious candy. And then, they can go home and EAT IT! Sounds good to Ike.

- - - - -

Back at Maureen's house, the older woman stands in the doorway. Her curious confusion slowly begins to change, eventually forming a sneaky smirk. She steps back inside, closes the door soundly, and casually pulls off her face.

Guess who?~

"Time for bacon," Roy chimes, ready and willing to finish off three plates of homemade goodness.

**----------**

**Well, this took a while... we are far ahead of this point, but the pace at which I've been updating resembles the pace that we've actually been role-playing. Heh. We fail.**

**So, hello again! Hope this is an interesting chapter. It's kind of a short one, but hey--it's something. Now it's off to Agrabah! (relating to Aladdin, heh)**

**Read, review, and stick around!**


	6. Attack of the Angry Pimp!

Up and up they go, through the familiar forest again. Agrabah is certainly much farther away, isn't it? Marth had always thought it was. He feels like he's going to throw up, but tries to ignore it. No, he won't. He isn't going to throw up, there was no way. Of course he wouldn't. Not--

"Ike, stop! I'm going to throw up!" Marth yells, trying as hard as he can not to. If Ike doesn't stop soon, though....

Ike makes a strange, fearful/disgusted face and tosses Marth as far away from him as he can. Falling to the ground certainly doesn't help Marth feel any better. He crawls over to the bushes and throws up everything he's eaten in the past day. He feels terrible. Marth rolls over and lays on a little bit of clear path, feeling like a zombie.

He slowly sits up, but his head is still spinning, so it makes everything go weird colors for a second. His stomach feels better now, but his headache was just as bad. But he didn't want to make Ike get angry or impatient with him. Marth could tell how much this adventure meant to his friend. "I'll be fine..." he says quietly, picking leaves and whatnot out of his hair. "I just... need a second... if that's all right."

Ike frowns worriedly and kneels down next to Marth, wrapping his arms around him and rocking him back and forth. "Of course a second is all right, Marthy! Your well-being is the most important thing to me!" he coos, contradicting himself once again. Kinda. Still, Ike is nice and warm and friendly and makes Marth feel so much better. He leans against his companion and closes his eyes. It's wonderful that Ike is finally concerned with something other than candy and freaking demon squirrels.

"Even more important than Mike and Ikes?" Marth asks softly, looking up at Ike. Is Ike just trying to be thoughtful, or does he genuinely care more about Marth? Sometimes, Marth really isn't sure. He's always afraid that, at any second, his companion will yell, "Second's over, LET'S GO!" and drop him and run off again.

He tends to do that.

Gently, Ike strokes Marth's hair. "Of course. Otherwise, I would've just left you to be devoured by the Kirby Mountain~"

The situation is a little weird, but Marth is enjoying Ike's compassion too much to care. He probably feels well enough to keep going, but he doesn't tell Ike that. He's too comfortable. "That's true." Marth says, smiling and closing his eyes again. "Thank you for not letting them eat me." After a pause, he adds, "I guess I'll be all right now, if you want to get going again. I feel better now." Knowing they need to keep going if they have any chance of finding Roy, it had to be said. But it was a lovely little moment while it lasted.

As happy-go-lucky as ever, Ike jumps up and starts off up the path again, a skip in his step. "Anytime, Marthy! Now, lets-a go!" he replies joyfully, mimicking a certain plumber he's fought on numerous occasions.

Marth gets to his feet and follows Ike, feeling much better. A combination of TLC and throwing up seems to have made him much better. He laughs at Ike's imitation. "Sure thing, Mario!" he says with a grin, more than happy to go along with his friend. To Agrabah! Now that he's feeling better, Marth is up for almost anything!

Aaaand it's not long until they're through the mountains. Agrabah's suddenly in full view, laid out before the two. Ike pauses and whistles. It's pretty big, and has a unique architectural style even from above. Even to Marth, it's pretty impressive. It contrasts immensely from the woodsy little forest they'd had just come from.

"Ready to hit the town?" Ike asks of his companion with a sizable smile, turning back to look at Marth.

"Sure!" Marth returns the smile and sets off down towards the town. He has no clue how they'll find Roy here. Where should they look? Is he even there? Maybe they'll get lucky, and he'll just be sitting down there in the streets with a giant sign that reads, "I'M ROY." But Marth knows he isn't that stupid. Roy probably could be hiding in Maureen's house still, for all they know.

Ike seems to take this as a challenge; he breezes by at a much faster pace. Too fast, actually. He trips about an eighth of the way down and tumbles the rest of the way.

"AUGHAUGHAUGHAUGHAUGH!" Rock, rock, bush, tree--nothing quite stops his haphazard descent. "MAAAARTHYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

"......IKE?!" Marth is about to chase after, but then realizes that the same thing will happen to him if he goes too fast. "I'm coming, Ike!" Marth yells, hopping over bushes and moving around rocks as fast as he can without falling himself. He gets to the bottom pretty quickly, but... he's lost track of his companion. He's pretty sure Ike is around there somewhere, but isn't sure of his exact spot. "Where did you go?" He starts looking around in the bushes and behind trees.

A hand pops out of a nearby bush. "Here,..." says Ike, and a wave of that hand follows.

"Found you!" Marth says cheerfully, taking the hand and pulling it. "Are you all right?" Well, they've surely made a dramatic entrance into Agrabah. Now it's time to go track down Roy! Although that's probably going to be pretty difficult.

Ike thanks Marth for his help happily, and starts skipping off again. Ike sure recovers quickly. He nearly falls over once or twice due most likely to the instability left by the fall, but he manages to catch himself. He just wanders on into the bustling Agrabah and starts asking random people about the whereabouts of a redheaded swordsman possibly dressed up as a ninja. Marth just follows him, not saying anything. He lets Ike do all the talking. They're getting such strange looks, but that makes sense. They're very different from the citizens of Agrabah, and Ike is rambling to everyone about Roy. He keeps an eye out for anyone familiar, but doesn't spot Roy anywhere.

A woman comes over to the two of them, noticing their dilemma. Her suggestion: "Have you tried the bar?"

Ike's just about to head the opposite direction when the woman interjects. Halfway in motion as he listens, he's quite the amusing sight. Snickers come from little kids sitting on the curb. After hurriedly requesting directions, Ike grabs Marth's arm and breezes off through the extravagant city. He's just too impatient to wait for Marth to walk on his own.

The bar is reached in due time, and they slip right inside. The room is filled with only a soft murmur of voices; it's too early for the raucous drunks to stop by. Only the depressed ones are already present, whining nonsensically to the bartender about how their kid/dog/wife/prostitute/Pikmin left them for the sultan/bread boy/monkey/Luigi/building next door.

Off in a booth, however, is something of interest. Blond hair, pointy ears, green tunic, Asian hookers....

_When did Link get that crazy harem?_ Marth thinks, staring blankly at the familiar face in the corner. According to Ike's face, he's probably thinking something completely irrelevant.

Suddenly, someone bursts into the bar--Zelda. She storms across the room, completely ignoring Marth and Ike. She stops in front of Link and starts yelling at him. "Where is my money!?" She yells, slamming her hands on the table Link was sitting at. The girls surrounding Link look surprised, and edge away from the two.

Link just glares at Zelda and sighs, giving her all the more reason to disturb the peace again. "Don't give me that!" Zelda shouts, leaning over the table towards him. "They're my hookers, and I want their freaking money!" Her screeches are loud enough for even people outside the bar to hear. A few of the bystanders poke their heads in.

Marth steps closer to Ike. It seems like the whole bar is waiting for the big fight about to break out between Link and Zelda. He's has never seen Zelda so angry before, and he's kind of freaked out. She always seems so calm and ladylike.

As it turns out, it really isn't much of a fight. Probably unwilling to lay a violent hand on his princess, Link just sits there quietly, ready to accept his punishment. Zelda just gets angrier and angrier until she pulls Link up by his collar and snarls at him.

"I told you this was the last time I'd let you have them before paying, and I meant it!" Zelda drops Link to his feet and slaps him hard enough that he just falls right over. Satisfied, she gathers up her girls and breezes out of the bar.

The scantily-clad women passing by don't even faze Ike. He just runs over to Link and leans over him. Marth follows soon after. There's a big red mark on Link's face where Zelda slapped him. It looks... quite painful.

"What was that all about?" Ike inquires, as if it isn't already obvious.

**----------**

**  
I'm so unreliable. ;~; But hey, finally, a new chapter! *gets shot***

**Read, review, and stick around!**


End file.
